What a second chance for Chris Brown might look like

15 Feb

I’ve worked with many victims of domestic violence, and I’ve counseled men who abuse. The psyche of these men is twisted by their desire to control and manipulate. Hardly any of these men really change. Why do I say that? Because their abusive cycles almost always continue. And unfortunately, many churches give victims of domestic violence the coldest of shoulders and send them the message “maybe you didn’t submit well enough,” or “what did you do to cause him to become so angry?”

I knew very little about this until 2007, when a woman whom I was counseling, named Stacy Peterson, told me that her husband had killed his third wife and made it look like an accident. Just two short months later, Stacy disappeared, and her husband is still the only suspect. The case is on-going.

After that tragedy, I threw myself into learning all that I could about domestic violence from some incredible experts in the field. What I believe about second chances being given to people just like Chris Brown has greatly been shaped by two lenses. The first is the grace that has been showered on me, and the second is the knowledge I’ve attained. I’ve discovered that they are not mutually exclusive.

Forgiveness of Chris Brown is the right thing to do. Jesus said that if we won’t forgive others what they’ve done to us, then God won’t forgive us. But here’s my question: why does forgiveness of Chris Brown equal him being the main stage performer at the Grammy’s? Why does his performance send a bad message to us, and possibly set him up for failure?

In all that I’ve learned about domestic violence, one of the central characteristics in each story is control. The very last thing these men need is to be empowered to abuse by being thrust back into the national spotlight. That will only feed the raging monster just beneath the surface. There are 1.3 million women each year in the US that would attest to that phenomenon.

A true second chance for Chris Brown will never feed his temptation to control and abuse. A second chance for him will result in change and freedom for him from his old persona, and it will positively impact each woman he encounters in the future.


One Response to “What a second chance for Chris Brown might look like”

  1. annawood February 15, 2012 at 8:53 pm #

    Very well said. Excellent points. True forgiveness means we give up our desire for revenge. Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing the evil to continue nor does it mean showering attention on the abuser. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: