My vision is to find 5 families in each church in the nation to be safe houses for victims of abuse.  This would be safe, temporary housing for victims of domestic violence.  I also want to do widespread education of church leaders about the issue of DV and to train church leaders how to use a tool (found on documenttheabuse.com) that will revolutionize the way we assist victims of abuse.  But the truth is…in order to do these things, we need financial assistance.

There are costs to the generous families that open their doors to victims and their children.  And we need help to pay for the costs of educating church leaders all over the country.  There are many needs that will arise and they always cost something.

You may never be in a position to open your home to a victim…but maybe you have the money to give.  If you would like to give to this incredible dream, you may safely and securely donate here on our church Paypal account: http://napervillechristian.org/resources (then click on ‘online giving’)

Thank you so much for your generosity!  Your gift WILL rescue victims of domestic violence and it will educate the next generation of people who will positively change our culture.

Peace,

Neil

¹It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. ² And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? ³ For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this. ⁴ So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, ⁵ hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh,^[a][b] so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

This passage is eerily familiar to me.  It feels like I just dealt with a situation like this.  Wait…I do this almost every day.  Let me explain…

Last night during my daughters’ bedtime rituals, I was standing behind all three of them while they were starting to brush their teeth.  Mia & Ava were being relatively compliant, but Hannah was taking her time.  Just as I was about to tell Hannah that in order to brush her teeth, she actually needed to put the toothbrush in her mouth, she put the toothbrush WITH toothpaste on top of Mia’s head!

I said, “Hannah!!!  Don’t put your toothpaste in your sister’s hair!!!”  She slammed her toothbrush down and said “FORGET IT!  I’m going to bed and I’m NOT brushing my teeth!”  She ran straight for her bed and threw herself down with an impressively teen(ish)-styled pout.

I knew that I couldn’t let her get away with that, even though I was tired and it seemed easier to NOT confront the ridiculous behavior.  I ordered her back into the bathroom, and she brushed her teeth angrily, then I told her to go back to her bed all alone.

We put Ava & Mia to bed, then closed their door, and walked quietly by Hannah’s bed and I heard a faint little voice say “I’m sorry, Dad.”  I walked over to her bed and I asked her what she had said.  She said “I’m sorry that I acted so mean.”

I sat on the bed with her and I asked her if she knew why I had to separate her from the rest of the family.  She said this:

Because if you don’t punish me, then I won’t learn right from wrong.

My 8 year old daughter understands that what the Apostle Paul taught the Corinthian church is RIGHT.  Sin is not to be messed with.  Sin affects everyone around.  Sin is never an isolated event (Romans 5).  And when someone persists in doing wrong, they must be REMOVED from their community.  Dealing with children looks a lot like dealing with adults that continue to do wrong, too.

Just over a week ago, Chris Brown performed twice at the Grammy’s.  Three years ago, Chris Brown beat his then girlfriend, Rihanna so badly that her face was black and blue.  Chris Brown took his time in responding, then issued the standard Hollywood-fashioned non-mea culpa and did several lackadaisical and in my estimation, unfeeling interviews.  He even got so angry just last year when asked on GMA about his newly relaxed restraining order that he stormed out of his interview, and went back to destroy his dressing room.

When people are valued for their celebrity more than for their humanity, they will never gain their integrity.

Chris Brown can be forgiven for what he did.  But if he doesn’t receive a punishment that really impacts him deeply, he’ll never walk in the freedom of the grace of a second chance.  Why?  Because just like when we fail to punish a child for acting out, Chris Brown will never learn right from wrong unless he experiences the pain that comes from being isolated, instead of celebrated.

Last night, my daughter learned that there are necessary consequences that she will experience when she acts out in negative ways.  She also knows that those happen for her good.

Chris Brown can change, too.  But I’m convinced he won’t change if he doesn’t experience those same consequences.  Hollywood doesn’t love Chris Brown.  If they did, he’d never have been the star of this year’s Grammy’s.  I’m praying that someone who really does love him will tell it to him straight.

This should make you angry and sad.  AND ready to stand up and say NO MORE!  The church should be a refuge for victims of abuse.  Abusers should look at the church as a dangerous place for them to pull out their false-piety and sugary sweet manipulation.

Jesus came so that we would have overflowing, beautiful life.  That certainly includes victims of domestic violence.  Will you help us?

Please ask your pastor to talk about domestic violence at your church.  Tell your pastor that 5 families in your church can be a part of rescuing the 1.3 million victims of domestic violence in the US each year.  Tell your pastor about this incredible resource: http://documenttheabuse.com

I’d love to add you to our growing list of safe families for victims of domestic violence.  Send me a message if you are interested in learning how.

Peace,

Neil

I knew very little about this until 2007, when a woman whom I was counseling, named Stacy Peterson, told me that her husband had killed his third wife and made it look like an accident. Just two short months later, Stacy disappeared, and her husband is still the only suspect. The case is on-going.

After that tragedy, I threw myself into learning all that I could about domestic violence from some incredible experts in the field. What I believe about second chances being given to people just like Chris Brown has greatly been shaped by two lenses. The first is the grace that has been showered on me, and the second is the knowledge I’ve attained. I’ve discovered that they are not mutually exclusive.

Forgiveness of Chris Brown is the right thing to do. Jesus said that if we won’t forgive others what they’ve done to us, then God won’t forgive us. But here’s my question: why does forgiveness of Chris Brown equal him being the main stage performer at the Grammy’s? Why does his performance send a bad message to us, and possibly set him up for failure?

In all that I’ve learned about domestic violence, one of the central characteristics in each story is control. The very last thing these men need is to be empowered to abuse by being thrust back into the national spotlight. That will only feed the raging monster just beneath the surface. There are 1.3 million women each year in the US that would attest to that phenomenon.

A true second chance for Chris Brown will never feed his temptation to control and abuse. A second chance for him will result in change and freedom for him from his old persona, and it will positively impact each woman he encounters in the future.

1.  5 Families can rescue 1.3 million women:  If only 5 families in each church in the United States would open their hearts and doors to victims of domestic violence, we would rescue all 1.3 million women who will be abused this year.  This week, 7 families have contacted me to volunteer to be refuges for the abused!  There is exponential potential here!

2.  The EAA for every woman:  We are doing ground-breaking work to give abused women back their voices.  The EAA will reinvent our response to domestic violence and soon, abusers will think twice before they perpetrate their terrible acts on their wives, girlfriends, and children.

3.  Prevention:  One of the core issues is that men don’t know how to be REAL men.  What if men were taught HOW to be men?  What if men sacrificed first for their families?  Imagine the impact on abuse statistics: they would drop quickly.  Why?  Because men don’t abuse women.  Only little, selfish, narcissistic boys do that.

Will you join me in this endeavor?  It will take ALL of us to make a real difference for women.  Share this with your pastor, and your friends at church.  And as we impact one woman after another…we’ll look back and see that the culture has shifted radically.

Peace,

Neil

Today, Josh Powell decided that since he just lost a custody battle for his kids, that no one else would have his kids, either.  Around noon today as a social worker arrived to supervise Josh’s visit with his children, he pulled his kids inside and the house exploded.  Josh and his kids were all killed.

The question I have is: why is anyone surprised?  This is how narcissistic sociopaths operate.  Men who would kill their wives will never have a problem with killing their children.  Yet the courts gave him the rights that he so willingly deprived of his wife and today, of his children.

Today, my prayers are with the survivors.  I’m thankful that Susan Powell’s children are in God’s hands where they cannot ever be touched again by an evil and selfish earthly father.  But we need to wake up as a society and protect the innocent.  Be advocates for abused women and the children that all rely on us to do the right things for them.  Susan can’t be saved now.  Neither can her children.  But the 8 women that will be killed tomorrow in the United States can still be saved.

Today, please go to http://documenttheabuse.com  It will help save lives NOW!

Peace,

Neil

1.  1 in 4 women will be subjected to domestic violence in her lifetime in the USA.

2.  8 women are killed each day in the United States by their intimate partners.

3.  Around 1.3 million women are abused each year in the United States.

And this is where my dream begins…

There are about 300,000 churches in the United States today.  What if every pastor in our country decided that enough was enough, and recruited 4 or 5 families in his/her church to be refuges for the abused?  If that happened, our culture would be radically changed because suddenly women would have anonymous and safe places to go.  Abusers would know that they could no longer manipulate gullible pastors into believing their lies.  Domestic violence activists and shelters would start to see churches as what they should have always been: safe places for victims of abuse.

If this moves your heart, I need you to speak up.  Tomorrow after church, please email your pastor and ask to have a meeting to talk about this issue that destroys the lives of 1/4 of all of the women that you’ll see at church tomorrow.  We owe it to them.  Tell your pastor to go to http://documenttheabuse.com  It details the ground-breaking work we are doing to rescue women from abuse.

If your pastor doesn’t seem to take interest, be persistent.  The only thing we can do is be persistent.  Help me find 4 or 5 families in every church in this nation to provide refuge for victims of abuse.

One way we are spreading the word about domestic violence is tweeting about it non-stop.  Would you ask all of your friends to donate one tweet a day to spread the word about what we are doing?  If so go to http://justcoz.org/napervillecc

Thanks for caring and listening.  Thanks, mostly, for what you will DO.  Let’s change this culture!

Peace,

Neil

Domestic violence is the leading cause of death for women ages 15-44.  We went to war for far fewer homicides than this, and it is time to take a stand.

If these statistics bother you as much as they do me, will you start to speak up about this?  Donate a tweet a day on Twitter.  Send everyone you know to this site because it WILL save lives.  Post about it on Facebook.  Talk with your pastors and community leaders.  Strategize with us.  Give voices back to women.

These women were all mothers and sisters and daughters.  Stand up for them.

Peace,

Neil

The only way this will happen is if we rise up and tell them that we want that to happen.  Stop being silent.  Silence is passive acceptance.  We can no longer do that.  It is not acceptable.

I was Stacy Peterson’s pastor.  And today, I’m a domestic violence activist because of her.  Please, join me in making a difference today.  Speak up about this!  Tell everyone you know about this site: documenttheabuse.com.  It is groundbreaking and will help give voices back to women whom have been silenced by their abusers.

If you don’t do anything, the culture won’t change and 8 women will continue to die each day at the hands of their abusers.  And abusers will remain untouchable.

Rise up now to honor  past victims and for the wives and mothers and daughters of tomorrow.

Peace,

Neil

The problem is that we focus on the abuser. We focus on serial killers. We focus on professional athletes who behave poorly. Those make for the most “interesting” stories, I guess. But the victim is not the focus, and I’m afraid will never be.  So what will it take to change this?

It will take people stepping up to be a part of the solution. I’m doing that, and I’d love it if you’d join me. Tell your pastor, your community leaders, fellow church-goers, people at the gym, and the grocery store, that YOU want to make a difference in the lives of women who are being abused. Tell them that 1/4 of all women in church today are being abused. Tell them that if THEY don’t do something, that no one will. Tell them that WE cannot be silent about this anymore.

I need you to step up to bat with me and help me to save lives. Will you tell everyone you know about this site: documenttheabuse.com? It is a step-by-step guide for abused women to begin to take back their voice from their abusers. More importantly, it will give them hope and courage to plan to get away from their abusers because they’ll know that others care personally about them.

With your help, we’ll show abusers that they are NOT untouchable.  When you watch Untouchable tonight, remember the victims of domestic violence.  8 women die each day at the hands of their abusers.  With your help, this WILL change.

Peace,

Neil